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From tips on cutting belly fat to the pressure to bounce back, the remarks often take a toll. Experts say it can lead to emotional scars, unrealistic expectations of their own bodies

A stream of paparazzi photos and videos of the Bollywood couple Patralekhaa and Rajkummar Rao flooded social media last week. The couple were out promoting their latest film, but the conversation veered towards something else entirely, Patralekhaa’s figure . The new mother, who gave birth to a baby girl six months ago, was brutally trolled for her weight gain, as most videos used the caption “What happened to her???” Retorting back, Patralekhaa posted a story online saying, “What happened to me is that I have just given birth! I have not sat and eaten a mountain. I just delivered a baby and produced two films simultaneously, which is not an easy job...”

The actor’s words echoed a pain that most moms can relate to, a reminder that despite the push against body shaming , trolls continue to exist both online and offline. While celebrities always face more scrutiny, even ordinary moms are regularly subjected to criticism on this front. In fact, the pressure to “bounce back” has become even more pronounced as some actors and influencers show off svelte figures just weeks after giving birth, winning applause and tags like ‘yummy mummy’ and ‘hot mom’. “Every woman’s body reacts differently to childbirth. Some can get back in shape in six weeks, others may take years. It is unfortunate that people still comment on it,” says Sucheta Pal, a maternal fitness educator.

These remarks can often lead to hurt that lasts for years, as was the case with Sunitha Desai. Three months after giving birth, the excitement of meeting a childhood friend was quickly replaced by a sinking feeling. The friend greeted her by pointing out how “huge” she had become. “I felt very hurt. How can one be so judgmental? Even if one thinks like that, one need not blurt it out. It is not funny,” she says. For Desai, who had gone through procedures like IVF to conceive and deliver a healthy baby, the comments made things worse at a vulnerable time. Her daughter is eight now, but she still feels angry when she thinks about that day. She admits she is still overweight, but is content. “I had done a lot of strict dieting in my school and college days because of my family’s pressure to be thin. I lost weight, but also my immunity. I used to fall sick a lot. I feel healthier now.”

Desai’s story is emblematic of a larger culture of scrutiny that new moms often go through. Delhi-based psychologist Upasana Chaddha Vij says women often share the comments they face soon after giving birth. "From how swollen their nose is to how their skin has become darker and how their belly still looks big, women hear all kinds of remarks. They are advised to tie a belt or drink jeera water to lose belly fat,” she says. “There is so much focus on appearance and no appreciation for the body that has created a life.”

While it’s easier to ignore online trolls, dealing with such comments is often harder at home. At a time when Ahmedabad mom Rina Mehta (name changed) was going through postpartum depression after her second child’s delivery, remarks from her husband hurt. “When we would go out, he’d point at other moms and tell me, ‘See, they have become fit, you are still fat.’ This used to pinch me a lot,” she recalls, adding that she enrolled in yoga and zumba due to the pressure.

However, shedding a few kilos hardly helps, and there often seems to be no escape from the prying eyes. Mumbai mom Minal Patel admits to having experienced both skinny-shaming and fat-shaming. At the time of her marriage, her family often taunted her for being too lean. After the birth of her baby, she weighed 80 kgs, inviting callous remarks about weight gain instead. “I realised that women of any shape and size will be commented on. We just had to stop paying heed to idle people,” she adds.

Vij says body-shaming has a deep impact on women in the postpartum phase as they are already burdened by hormonal changes, a shift in identity and sleep deprivation. “It worsens the anxiety, guilt and feeling of inadequacy that a new mom is already dealing with,” she says, adding that the new moms should set gentle but firm boundaries. “As a society, we need to move to a more compassionate and better understanding of postpartum bodies. Shifting the narrative from ‘how quickly did you lose weight?’ to ‘how are you feeling now?’ will make a meaningful difference,” she adds.

Mental and physical health experts say the biggest problem is that it is not just society, but also women who have unrealistic expectations of themselves when it comes to body weight. “Can you expect to have the same body at 60 as you had at 16? Then why do we expect to have the same body after the baby as we did before the baby?” asks Pal, who founded a programme called Mom.Bod.Strong to help women get stronger, not slimmer. Pal’s own journey led to her pivot from the mainstream fitness industry to specialise in maternal fitness. “I was a wellness expert, so I assumed I would easily get back in shape. But I was in for a rude shock. I gained a lot of weight, and one day, when I was on stage teaching a live class, two months after my delivery, I peed in my pants. That day changed my thinking.”

Currently on a multi-city tour to educate women about postpartum fitness, Pal says no woman can get back her pre-baby body because it changes during the process. “Everyone who trolled Patralekhaa should go and touch their own mother’s feet. During pregnancy, a woman’s abdominal muscles stretch up to 115 %. Her pelvic floor stretches 2.5 to 3.5 times, and her body can age by 4-5 years. But all we are worried about is weight loss. The goal should not be to have a flat belly, but to heal the body and lead a quality life that is acheand pain-free.”

Desai wishes women would uplift each other so they are not affected by those who pull them down. “When a neighbour delivered a baby, I sent her home-cooked meals for a few days. She was so touched,“she says. “As moms, we already go through hell by shaming ourselves. We don’t need extra help from others.”