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Hyderabad: Every college these students attend has a counsellor. Almost none of them has seen anyone walk in.

“Yes, we have a counsellor,” said Chetana, 21, a student at St Ann’s College for Women. “Mostly people don’t use it.” At Villa Marie Degree College for Women, Samia Fathima, 19, says the same thing. “Yes, we do have a counsellor, but I haven’t seen anyone use it.”

In fact, Manaal, 20, from St Ann’s tried reaching out to a counsellor. “I tried counselling once and was told that I need another session. But when I reached out for it, the counsellor simply did not respond.”

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On World Suicide Prevention Day, that gap, between what exists on paper and what is within reach, is where much of the problem sits. Telangana lost 10,580 people to suicide in 2023, a six per cent rise over the previous year, according to the National Crime Records Bureau’s (NCRB) most recent Accidental Deaths and Suicides in India report.

The state ranks sixth in the country in absolute numbers, and second only to Kerala in rate, at 27.7 per lakh population. Nationally, 13,892 students died by suicide that year, the highest figure in a decade.

Who is calling and why

The Telangana government’s Tele-MANAS helpline, reachable on 14416, takes about 3,000 calls a month. During exam season, the number of calls climbs to between 4,000 and 5,000, Dr Karuna, Director, Non-Communicable Diseases in the Telangana Health and Family Welfare Department, told Siasat.com. 

Four hundred counsellors staff it across the state, handling calls from women, students and the elderly. Most of those in distress, she said, are women dealing with marital problems.

At Roshni, the Hyderabad-based helpline that has been handling such calls for years, the pattern is similar but the demographics tilt differently. Between January and July this year, 65 per cent of those who reached out were men. Around 75 per cent were aged between 21 and 40. 

Relationship trouble – family first, then marital – topped the list of reasons, followed by mental illness and loneliness. The helpline averages 500 contacts a month and has conducted 20 outreach programmes reaching some 1,500 students.

“More suicides are reported today than earlier, so the number of known suicides is more,” Tinky, a member and former director at Roshni, told Siasat.com. “But many suicides still go unreported,” she added.

What drives people to take the extreme step are relationship problems, mental illness, financial distress and academic and career pressure, cutting across age. “Clinical depression, loneliness, social isolation, lack of support, financial problems, family conflicts, hopelessness, helplessness. These are common to both the young and the old,” Tinky said.

“Suicidal feelings are recurring. They often arise and fade away, then arise again when the person feels unable to cope. The pain of living feels unbearable and they choose suicide to end the pain, not to end life. Suicide is not a wish to die. It is a cry for help,” she added.

Absence of a support system

When Siasat.com asked students what pushes their peers to the edge, they said exam results, placements and social media. But several of them locate the problem somewhere else entirely.

“Either one or more of the reasons might incite suicidal thoughts,” said Manaal. “But I believe it is actually the absence of any substantial support system, or awareness regarding therapy, that actually drives people to take such dire measures.”

Maria (name changed upon request), 23, a student at St Joseph’s Degree College, named something that rarely catches attention – “attendance issues and backlogs.”

Ellahi, 19, from St Ann’s, points to what social media does to a person’s sense of themselves. “The most prominent reason would be exam results. And also the insecurity built by consuming social media,” she told Siasat.com.

Family, most agree, is the first line of defence. “Family can provide the biggest support system,” Manaal said, “but only if they have the ability to actually listen and acknowledge what the person has been feeling. Denying or downplaying their feelings can have serious consequences.”

“Once a person knows that their worth in front of their family isn’t attached to how much they score, or to their failures, it keeps them at ease knowing at least their family has their back and loves them regardless,” Ellahi said.

What friends get wrong

Several of these students have had a friend confide something serious in them. Not all of them knew what to do next.

“I did not know how I could help them. But I listened as well as I could,” Manaal said.

Riya, 19, from Villa Marie Degree College, had a better sense of it. “All I did was not push her on the matter and let her open up to me, showing constant support and understanding.” Asked what students usually get wrong, she says it is “jumping into fix-it mode.”

“Students sometimes give advice too quickly instead of simply listening,” says Mavya, 19. Maria said some friends “assume it’s not very serious.” Chetana worried about what would happen after she shared her problems. “I feel maybe they will make fun of it and tell someone else about it,” she said.

Ellahi points to a different mistake. “Give them religious dogma and guidance… I think that’s a bit insensitive, honestly. A person knows god is there for them, but that won’t provide any solid sense of comfort. And at times people don’t even care to check up on others, which results in them feeling as if nobody cared,” she said.

Listening rather than fixing is exactly what Roshni trains its volunteers to do. “Empathetic listening. Understanding without judging, criticising, labelling or minimising the caller’s concerns,” said Tinky. “Being genuine and accepting all callers regardless of their socio-economic background or sexual orientation. Not advising or belittling them.”

They are also trained to hear what a caller is not saying. “They recognise unspoken suicidal thoughts and feelings, and we talk to them about these thoughts. That itself provides much-needed relief, which family and friends are often unable to give,” she said.

The slow vanishing of the stigma

The one thing that does appear to be shifting is the willingness to say the word “therapy” out loud. “Yes, friends in my close circle do talk about therapy,” Manaal said, adding, “This played a great role in tackling the stigma that I previously had regarding the topic.”

Mavya agreed. “People talk about therapy more openly now. The stigma has reduced a little compared to before.” Chetana knows someone who took up therapy, adding that it “helped them a lot.”

For others, it is not the same. Asked whether her batch discusses it, Ellahi said “not really.” At St Joseph’s, Maria said, “no one really talks about it.”

Workshops, where they exist, don’t seem to be closing the distance either. At St Ann’s, Manaal says the sessions she knows of are limited to psychology department students. “Some events do happen, but they rarely have anything of effect.” 

Maria’s college holds them “rarely, but yes.” Chetana’s and Riya’s hold none at all.

(If you or someone you know needs help, Tele-MANAS can be reached on 14416, toll-free, 24 hours a day)

(Additional reporting by Bepar Ayesha As Safoorah)