Top News

Hi everyone, I need honest suggestions.

I’m a 24-year-old female and I love a 29-year-old man. We were together for 8 months before he got a visa and moved to England for his PhD. I was with him when he had nothing, so this relationship was never about visa or sponsorship for me.

He is from Hyderabad and I am from Rawalpindi. My family has never been to Hyderabad, and we have no relatives there, so they are finding it difficult to accept this proposal. The families are far apart and do not know each other.

Before he left, he said he would build a house in Islamabad so my parents would agree. But now, when I ask him about it, he says he will not do it because “we will live in England, so there is no point in buying a house in Islamabad.” He also says he will only buy a house if his sister gets married in Islamabad or if his mother decides to live there after his sister’s marriage. He cares a lot about his family, which is a good thing, but I feel he is not considering what I need to convince my parents.

He simply says, “Tell them I will adjust; I want to spend my life with you.”

He also says he is saving money, but most of his spending is on his family. He bought his sister a laptop, gives money to his brother, and is also planning Umrah for them. I respect that his family has rights over him, but right now my parents need something concrete like a house in Islamabad to agree, and he is not willing to do that.

Another confusing thing is that he is applying for his brother and sister to study abroad, but when it comes to me, he says, “We will apply for you after you come to England.” I have already done my MPhil and I am capable of applying myself, but I feel like I am putting my career on hold for him.

He also cares deeply about his elderly mother, and I worry that he may prioritize his family over me in the future and leave me in a difficult situation.

When I confronted him, he got angry and said he loves me and would never do that.

I am really confused. Is he still genuinely interested, or is he making things complicated so that I leave? Is this a red flag? What is the best way to handle this situation?

Solutions; Muhammad Tilal

Expecting a man to build a house in Islamabad just to secure a marriage proposal sounds very materialistic to me.

As a partner, or even as a wife, you should not decide how he spends his money on his brothers and sisters.

If he is a good man with a bright future and is committed to you, then it is your responsibility to convince your parents for this proposal, not his.

You also did not mention what you are bringing to this relationship, except simple commitment and many demands. What value are you offering in return for everything you expect him to do?

And how exactly are you putting your career on hold? Did he ask you to do that, or is it just your assumption? Whatever the case, you should not do that and should continue pursuing your career regardless.

Nasir Iqbal

“Actually, you are two different people with different mindsets and family backgrounds. The boy feels that he is in England because of his family support, that’s why he is very family-oriented. Your nature seems a bit possessive. It is better to step back and observe sometimes. Otherwise, you may struggle your whole life. Best of luck.”

Amna Shahid

You know what the problem is? He is committed to providing for his siblings. Parents do have a right, but siblings do not, and this cycle will never end. He will always prioritize being a provider for his siblings, not for you or your future children. So take this as a sign and leave. You still have a lot ahead of you—don’t waste your time waiting for him. He will never become a provider (kafeel) for you because his siblings will always remain his priority.

Anum Rehman

Give him some space. Step back for a while. Talk when he talks, and stop asking questions. Just quietly observe his behavior, and then make your decision.

The story is taken from DHA Ladies official group from Facebook and has more than 144k followers.

We welcome your contributions! Submit your blogs, opinion pieces, press releases, news story pitches, and news features to [email protected] and [email protected]