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Being single can be a great time to figure out who you are outside of being with someone else. After all, self-love is truly the best kind of love. But being happily single does not mean always feeling that way.

Being single comes with its own strong emotions that people in relationships just don’t quite understand. In a video, a content creator named Emma shared the specific feeling that many chronically single people all feel but is hard to describe when talking to non-single people.

Chronically single people often feel like they are not anyone’s person.

“One thing about long-term, like chronic singleness, that I have a really hard time explaining to people is this concept of not being anyone’s person,” Emma revealed in her video. “And I think often when single people try to explain this concept to married people, to our friends who are in long-term relationships, to our families, they seem to think that it’s coming from some sort of like self-pitying, woe-is-me place.”

Emma explained that it isn’t meant to elicit sympathy from others or somehow make others think she’s really sad being single, but is just how she feels. She’s no one’s person, and she doesn’t have her own person, much like many other single people. She admitted that she’s no one’s first choice, first call, or the person that someone texts right when they wake up in the morning.

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Emma admitted that while she’s loved, it’s not the same as having a partner who loves her.

“I think people hear this and they think it’s coming from some sort of self-pitying [place], but it’s just objective truth that I am no one’s person,” Emma continued. “Does that suck sometimes? Absolutely. Are there a lot of days that I really wish I had a person when I go on these really fun solo adventures? Absolutely.”

Emma insisted that while she loves doing things on her own, it does get lonely sometimes. When there isn’t someone there to share them with, it can feel a bit tiring after a while. Emma explained that she does travel, go to restaurants, go camping, hike, and go to the beach all by herself, but it would be a very different experience if she had a partner to share her adventures with.

“I don’t know how long I will be single. And I don’t want to, eventually, if I do get to meet my person, I don’t wanna meet them and realize that I had all this time that I just wasted and I wasn’t really living life.” 

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Many adults are lonely.

The Healthy Minds Monthly Poll from the American Psychiatric Association (APA) found that at least 30% of adults said they have experienced feelings of loneliness at least once a week, while 10% said they are lonely every day.

Younger people were more likely to experience these feelings, with 30% of Americans aged 18-34 saying they were lonely every day or several times a week, and single adults are nearly twice as likely as married adults to say they have been lonely on a weekly basis over the past year (39% vs. 22%).

Inside Creative House | Shutterstock

Considering many single people agreed with Emma’s take in her video, it’s a common emotion. Coupled with the fact that many people aren’t really dating, especially young people, it’s not surprising that people are finding themselves having to reckon with navigating life without a romantic partner. Even though romantic love isn’t everything, it’s still hard to deal with when you don’t have it at all.

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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.