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Harsh parenting vs gentle parenting

In essence, both terms define how expectations are communicated and enforced by a parent to the child.

What is harsh parenting?

Often considered a way to instill discipline among children, harsh parenting involves a sense of authority and immediate compliance. Parents who use raised voices, strict commands and punishments are generally considered to follow harsh parenting on their children. Conventionally, this was considered as the ideal way to discipline children. However, as norms are changing, and many modern-day parents are shifting towards gentle parenting.

So, what is gentle parenting?

This practice on the other hand involves a more connection-driven approach. Here parents try to instruct children with calmness and correction over strictness and punishments. Instead of removing expectations, this parenting approach reframes the way parents deliver the message. Certainly, both parenting styles are practiced with an intention to make a child who is disciplined and responsible. While no parent intends to harm their child, does both styles give the same results?

A mom shows the tale of two tones

A clip was shared on Instagram account @vardaancreated, where a mother asks her child to handover a toy from his hands. The lady uses two different tones on the baby, and the little kid reacts in two completely different ways. When the mother uses a stern and sharp tone, and says “no touching, mumma said no…!!” The child resists and shrugs off his mother, refusing to give her back the toy. In the next moment when the mother uses a calm voice and asks, “Vardaan please give it to mumma,” the child hands her the toy with a smile.

What does the clip reveal?

The contrast in the child’s reaction is striking. While the message behind the instructions was the same, a parent’s two different approaches gave rise to two totally different outcomes. The expectations were the same but the way to communicate them were different.

Does this mean parents should always follow a gentle approach?

Gentle parenting may be a great approach, but there are times when it doesn’t fit certain situations. There are times when children must understand the need for urgency or emergency, and in these cases firm and authoritative tone becomes necessary. So rather than choosing one extreme over the other, parents should follow an approach where firmness exists, but is guided by empathy.