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A conflicted father admitted on Reddit that he would like to restore his relationship with his estranged daughter, but only if she is willing to pay him back for the child support he gave up.

Roughly 16% of Americans shared that they were estranged from a parent in a recent YouGov poll, so his situation isn’t exactly unique. What is strange is his desire to see his daughter reimburse him for the cost of being a father. Many people online pointed out that this idea is not only illegal but also insulting.

A dad wants his estranged daughter to pay back the money he gave her mom over the years if she wants to repair their relationship.

In his Reddit post, the father explained that the drama started when his daughter, Aria, “abandoned” him and his family to live with her mother, Sandra, full-time when she was 15.

He argued that his ex-wife is “enabling” and sets no boundaries for their daughter. “Sandra has always been less ‘strict’ than me,” the dad wrote. “She’s always let Aria do what she wants and has never had any home rules. She also buys Aria everything she wants so she will want to live with her.”

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He and Sandra split custody of Aria until a five-day school trip out of the country changed her mind. He grounded her for not staying in touch as much as he wanted, which caused her to miss a popular girl’s birthday party. His daughter was especially hurt since she struggled with making friends.

At the end of that week, when her mother picked her up, Aria’s father told her, “that she didn’t have to come back if she didn’t want to.” Aria took him at his word and did not return after that. He believed it was because “she didn’t love us and that she preferred staying with her mother, her parties, and her free-of-rules life.”

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Despite the falling out, her father was expected by law to pay child support, including half of her college expenses.

Being responsible for child support in this sort of situation is to be expected, but the man seemed to think Sandra and her lawyers treated him unfairly. “They’ve been demanding that I pay for child support, even now that she’s 21-years-old,” he explained.

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The dad took issue with having to support a child who didn’t want to see him, especially after she turned 18, so he began tracking his child support payments since she reached adulthood in a spreadsheet. The total is $18,000.

Now, Aria is 21, and she “has been trying to get in touch again,” he said. But he insisted she “pay her debt” first. He shared, “I told her we can’t fix the emotional part unless we fix the money part first. She needs to prove to me that she doesn’t only care about the money.”

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Paying child support is not a choice this father gets to make, regardless of his relationship with his daughter.

The Administration for Children and Families summed up this man’s responsibilities perfectly, saying, “Bringing a child into the world means making a commitment to care for him or her throughout childhood.” If he didn’t want to be financially responsible for a child, he really had no business becoming a father in the first place.

The organization also noted that each state has its own child support laws that include when a child is believed to have reached the “age of majority.” Many states set this age at 18, but not all, and it’s not uncommon to have to continue paying child support while the child is a college student.

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Unsurprisingly, many people on Reddit were horrified by the father’s handling of the situation. “You smothered your kid until you pushed her away,” one person wrote, noting that if he really cared about her, he “would be trying to make amends, not demanding money.” Others called out his hypocritical behavior since he was the one who seemed to “care more about money than rebuilding a relationship with his daughter.”

Legally, this is not how child support functions. Voluntary child estrangement does not exempt a parent from supporting their child. Not only is the law not on Aria’s father’s side in his quest to get his $18,000 back, but it’s unlikely that his daughter will be either after she learns about his intentions.

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Amanda Hartmann is a writer who covers human interest stories, relationships, parenting, and more.